Who am I?

I was reading in The Message today, and was so moved by the love that God has for me (for all of us!).  Who am I that the Maker of all things should care about the details of my life?  Who am I that He should have a purpose and a plan for my life?  I'm just one person of little significance to the world, one who has made more mistakes than I even realize, one who sees so little in the big picture of life.  Yet, I am of great significance to the One who knew me before I even existed.  He knows me--all of me, the REAL me, to my very core--and somehow, miraculously, He takes joy in me, DELIGHTS in me, even more than I take joy in my own children!  Impossible, yet completely true. 

I cannot begin to recount all the ways God has orchestrated the details of my life, all the prayers He has answered in his faithfulness to me, all of the desires of my heart that He has fulfilled.  There is no area of my life that remains untouched...my health, my marriage, my children, my family, the direction of my life, my joy and contentment, my friendships...all of my needs are met in Him.  Regretfully, there are times when I do not acknowledge His active presence in my life,  yet He remains...steady, constant, patient, full of love and grace.  In my life, there have also been many disappointments, many times my heart has been wounded in ways I felt were beyond repair, many times I have not understood the sovereignty of God, times of darkness where I have not seen the light of truth.  But He always finds me, even when I have fallen into the deepest of pits, and He never fails to lift my broken soul and mend its every part. 

The past 2 1/2 years have been very challenging for me. I have been stretched in ways I have never been before.  But I have seen the very hand of God extended before me, leading me, pulling me along, carrying me when I could not stand, opening doors for me, shutting doors that needed to be closed, and drawing me into His embrace at the most unexpected times. I do not deserve such love; I have done nothing to earn it and everything to be unworthy of it.  But how can I not accept it when it is so freely, so abundantly, so generously, so surprisingly, so endlessly given? 

 What is man and woman that you bother with them;
      why take a second look their way?
   You made them not quite as high as angels,
      bright with Eden's dawn light;
   Then you put them in charge
      of your entire handcrafted world.

When God put them in charge of everything, nothing was excluded. But we don't see it yet, don't see everything under human jurisdiction. What we do see is Jesus, made "not quite as high as angels," and then, through the experience of death, crowned so much higher than any angel, with a glory "bright with Eden's dawn light." In that death, by God's grace, he fully experienced death in every person's place.

 ^10-13It makes good sense that the God who got everything started and keeps everything going now completes the work by making the Salvation Pioneer perfect through suffering as he leads all these people to glory. Since the One who saves and those who are saved have a common origin, Jesus doesn't hesitate to treat them as family, saying,
   I'll tell my good friends, my brothers and sisters, all I know
      about you;
   I'll join them in worship and praise to you.
Again, he puts himself in the same family circle when he says,
   Even I live by placing my trust in God.
And yet again,
   I'm here with the children God gave me.

 ^14-15Since the children are made of flesh and blood, it's logical that the Savior took on flesh and blood in order to rescue them by his death. By embracing death, taking it into himself, he destroyed the Devil's hold on death and freed all who cower through life, scared to death of death.

 ^16-18It's obvious, of course, that he didn't go to all this trouble for angels. It was for people like us, children of Abraham. That's why he had to enter into every detail of human life. Then, when he came before God as high priest to get rid of the people's sins, he would have already experienced it all himself—all the pain, all the testing—and would be able to help where help was needed. 

Hebrews 2:5-18 (The Message)

summer

It would seem like summer is the best time for a blogger to blog, but for me, it seems like the more free time I have the more lazy I become!  When things are busy, I am more productive and more creative; when life slows down, I just go with it!  As Travis puts it, I am the queen of ebb and flow.  But it seems that as August (and the upcoming school year) is quickly approaching, I should write about some of the highlights of my summer.  In June, our family took a trip to Kenya, East Africa.  While we were there, we attended a pastor's conference (see www.missionbarnabasint.org for more details!):



We also went on a family safari expedition, during which we saw so many animals, including the "big five" (lions, leopard, elephant, buffalo, rhinoceros).  We stayed in a luxurious tented safari encampment with fabulous food, beautiful animals wandering the grounds, traditional Masaai entertainment, and a great pool for the girls to enjoy in the 80 degree weather!  This is not your average summer vacation!  :)



Travis and I celebrated 15 wonderful years of marriage on the coast of the Indian Ocean.  We spent 3 days reading, eating, and napping under palm trees on the beach, taking evening strolls to dinner, and simply enjoying the time away with each other.  I was reminded, as I have been so many times through our years together, of the many reasons I fell in love with my husband.  Quite simply, he is my best friend, and he loves me more than I could ever deserve! 



In addition to our wonderful family trip, we have enjoyed many moments with friends, soaked up lots of sun at the pool, and have had a really great summer spending time together and taking joy in the small things in life!  Soon it will be time to get the girls back into school mode, Madeline in the 7th grade and Clara in the 2nd.  It is hard to believe how fast time goes by; I have been reminded this summer how important it is to create family memories, to have shared meaning and family culture, and to soak up the moments of life, love, and laughter! 

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

Legacy

This weekend we celebrate Father's Day, and I am so full of love for the Dad's in my life.  I am far away physically from my Dad this year, but never closer in heart.  Ray Ellis is my Dad and my hero, a mentor, a friend, a confidante, a life coach, and the greatest picture of God's love a daughter could have.  I have gained a wealth of wisdom from my Dad about grace, loyalty, family, and unconditional love.  Throughout my life, he has believed in me and encouraged me to chase my dreams and work hard to achieve them.  He has supported me through tough decisions, sacrificed for me, and loved me when I felt unlovable.  My dad has taught me how to love people and to care about the little details in the lives of others.  He is always asking people questions and making them feel like the most important person in the world.  He is the most patient person I know.  I have childhood memories of his detailed explanations in answer to my unending questions about his job, or sports, or his childhood memories, or his experiences in the war.  He seemed to never tire of teaching me about the principles of life, and those lessons have remained in my heart.  My dad is also "Granddad" to my daughters, and he would do anything for them.  They are drawn to his gentle spirit, and it fills my heart to know that they are blessed beyond their comprehension by his love.  I owe a huge debt of gratitude for the legacy of love, faithfulness, and godliness that my Dad has provided for my children.  THANK YOU Dad, for being YOU!  I love you!

I have another Dad in my life, my father-in-law, Ronnie Matheny.  I'm not sure if he knew what he was getting when I married into the family, since he had two sons and no daughters until I came along.  I am sensitive and quiet, yet opinionated and strong willed.  I am serious and deep, and I have a different sense of humor, so I don't always get his jokes!  But I am loved and accepted by my second Dad...of that there is no question.  I have been supported and encouraged in every way, and there have been countless times when I have received from him words of inspiration and wisdom for life.  My father-in-law is a missionary to Kenya, and this week, I have experienced first hand the impact of his ministry to pastors in East Africa.  He pours out his life for the benefit of others and is a shining example to me of how to truly live.  I am incredibly thankful for the father he is to his sons.  By his example, my husband learned what it means to be man, a husband, and a follower of Christ.  I am reaping a lifetime of blessings because of his influence.  Though he is very busy with many important things, he always finds time for his family.  He is "PaPa" to my children, and two little girls could not be more loved and spoiled.  They get quality time in addition to treats, gifts, and special events with their PaPa.  I feel privileged to be a "Matheny" and to be a small part of the family legacy. 

I could not write about Father's Day without paying tribute to my husband, Travis.  I have been married to him for 15 years, and I have grown to love him more and more with every year that passes.  He is an amazing husband and the most incredible dad to our children.  When I married him, I could only imagine the great dad he would one day be; he has far surpassed my expectations and has gone beyond what I could even imagine I wanted for my girls.  He loves his daughters with a fierce kind of love, always protecting them from things that would cause them harm.  But he also knows the value of allowing our children to experience risk and the pitfalls and triumphs that come with it.  He supports them, encourages them, and loves them unconditionally, and because of their father's love, they are strong.  My daughters are unique and Travis encourages them and inspires them to be themselves and to be different.  We are here in Africa, and my children act like we are just across the street instead of across the ocean.  I love that because of their Dad, they will grow up chasing after life instead of sitting around waiting for life to happen to them.  My children are blessed.  They will grow up knowing what it means to truly know a Father's love, and I cannot thank my husband enough for the man he is to me and my children. 

This Father's Day, I hope that the Dads in my life realize how special they are to me!  Thank  you for everything you do and all that you are!

Reunion

I do not have the perfect words to describe how it feels to me to be in Kenya at this moment.  Our family arrived here late last night, but for me the first REAL moments in Africa are the first moments of the new morning.  I LOVE waking up here, looking out my balcony window and not just seeing Nairobi, but FEELING it.

 

The beauty of the trees and flowers, the smell of the tangy air in my nose, the architecture of the homes and buildings, the peaceful quiet of the morning...the city welcomes me and I embrace it.  I remember my first experience in Africa 16 years ago (has it really been that long?!), and I remember waking up and peering out my window and feeling total awe at how far away from home I was and how different everything looked on the other side of the world.  I had never experienced any place outside of my own country, and to say that it was an eye-opening experience is a very large understatement.  Since that first time spent in Africa all those years ago, a piece of my heart has found a permanent home here, and it feels glorious to reunite with it now. 

Just jump in!

Today was a busy day.  This week has been a busy week!  It is the first week of summer break, and lots of things are happening!  I won't take the time to share all the details now, since I have already blogged once today, but I wanted to share a small treasure from my day.  Maybe it will enrich your life as it did mine. 

After having a very long day, my head was really spinning, but the girls (mostly Clara!) really wanted to go swimming at our neighbor's house where we are dog-sitting.  I really didn't feel up to going, but Clara can be quite persuasive.  So, without much energy for cooking, and since it was just us girls, we made PB&J sandwiches for the second time today, and went down the street for a picnic dinner and swim.  The girls jumped right in, and I was quite content to sit on the edge of the pool with all of my deep (and a bit overwhelming) thoughts.  I gave myself a pat on the back for conceding to the swimming adventure, when really I just wanted to be at home so that I could try to get some things sorted out.  Of course, it is pretty much impossible to hide your feelings around Madeline, since she is a magnet for emotion.  If I am anything other than perfectly and blissfully happy and stress-free, she will ask me about it and try to make it better.  She wants everyone to be as happy and care-free as she is all the time.  She asked me what was on my mind, and I told her my thoughts.  She pondered for a minute, and told me she had some good advice for me.  She said I should pray about it and remember that we're not supposed to worry about tomorrow.  And then she said, "Mom, you need to just jump in the pool.  Go ahead. You'll feel better.  You're supposed to ENJOY your day.  Do it now...JUST JUMP IN!"  In that second, I knew I had a choice.  I could brush her off and know that surely she would understand, because she KNOWS how much I only like to swim when the sun is beating down its 100 degree heat (and it was after 7pm...definitely not hot enough for me).  OR, I could jump in...not just so that my daughter felt her advice was needed and heeded...not just to encourage her in her own spiritual journey by validating her faith-filled advice...but BECAUSE IT WAS WISDOM, truth for my situation in more ways than she knew.  First, I knew it was right because as soon as I jumped in the chilly water, I felt more alive...then I knew it was right because in the moments after, while I played with my daughters in the pool,  I was living in the moment instead of sitting on the sidelines merely contemplating life...and now,I know it is right because I know what to do in the situation that I was hoping to sort out during my sideline contemplations...JUST JUMP IN!

Inspired

In just 4 days, my family and I leave for Nairobi, Kenya, East Africa! I am pretty excited! This is not a random vacation spot for us, although, we do plan to live it up while we are there...going on safari in the Masai Mara with the whole family, eating at Java House, leaving the kids with the grandparents while Travis and I celebrate our 15 year anniversary on the coast of the Indian ocean, visiting a twiga (the Swahili word for giraffe, which is the only word Clara uses for her favorite animal)orphanage, and all around having a wonderful family vacation! I cannot wait to post pictures!  But, more than all the fun we will have, this trip signifies something very special for our family. We are blessed to be a part of a legacy built by Clarence and Jewell Matheny and expanded by Ronnie and Debbie Matheny, my wonderful parents-in-law. I am so blessed to be a part of this family!  While we are in Kenya, we will be a part of the pastor's conference, which hundreds of church leaders will attend to receive training, personal ministry, and study materials.  Watch the video below to get inspired!



Now that you are inspired, here's what you can do:

Mission Barnabas has an opportunity to purchase Life Application Study Bibles in Nairobi and save hundreds on shipping costs from the U.S. Every $10 you donate will put a Study Bible in the hands of a pastor who does not have one. You cannot imagine the impact this will have on him and his church. Click the link below to sponsor a pastor today!

Special Sponsorship Opportunity: Give a pastor a Study Bible for $10!

Unique

If you are reading this blog, you will have to indulge me a bit to get through it!  Today, I am writing about my sweet Clara.  Yesterday after I dropped her off at school, as she was walking through the big metal front door, she lost her footing and the heavy door closed over her foot, slicing down the length of her pinkie toe.  Bleeding and crying, and pale white from the pain, she hobbled to the nurse's office.  Fortunately, the nurse said she did not need stitches, but she called me to come pick up Clara from school.  She could not walk and I was planning to carry her to the car, but the nurse offered her wheel chair, and Clara was a little cheered by that.  :)  She later told me that she had always wanted to ride in a wheel chair!  I took her home for about a half an hour, but it was yearbook signing day, so I brought her back to participate in that.  Once again, Clara was in the wheel chair, and apparently, first graders get instant celebrity status this way.  Clara signed so many yearbooks, and there was always a crowd around her, making sure she was okay.  I took her home after that, telling her teacher that surely she would be back the next day.  But, today is the last day of school, and Clara did not sleep well and was in too much pain to go to school.  Poor girl!  It is game day, and of all the school days to miss, the last day is not at the top of her list! We will try for an afternoon 1/2 day!  Because of all this drama, she is on my heart today, and I wanted to write about my special girl!  (Of course, my other daughter is super special, too, and I am sure to blog about her in the near future!)



I love my crazy Clara girl so much!  It is amazing to me how true to themselves children are.  As a baby, Clara established herself as a unique individual, and very different from her big sister, and I love that uniqueness!  She was not an "easy" baby, she was not quiet, and she was not easily entertained!  But she was full of life, she had a big belly laugh, and she took in everything that was going on around her.  She was slow to warm up to people, but when she gave you her affection, you knew it was special and from her heart!  Once you won her over, there was no turning back!  As a toddler, our little C.J. was into EVERYTHING!!  I never had to put child locks on cabinets when Madeline was little, but even with child locks, Clara found ways to get into bad things!  I have story after story of calling poison control, calling 9-1-1, and chasing after her pajama-clad little body as she raced from the house down the sidewalk!  Clara is 7 now, and she will be a 2nd grader next year.  I cannot believe it!  Now she reads chapter books, she finds educational videos to teach her about octopuses, geography, and technology...she just cannot learn enough to keep her mind occupied!  She loves facts, and she shares them with us daily, often teaching us a thing or two.  She is curious and likes answers!  Yesterday, as we were eating her homemade orange juice pops, she says "these popsicles are 100% fruit juice and have no added sugar, Mom."  Then after pausing and thinking for a moment, "Hey, Mom, I want them to prove to me that they are 100% juice."  I say, "Well, how should they prove it, Clara?"  She says, "Well, I guess we'll have to take a trip to their factory.  Because I don't think they squeeze it by hand...that would be a lot of oranges, and I'm pretty sure their hands would get tired.  But we could look at the machine, and make sure it is just putting fresh oranges into the juice."  Clara makes me smile!