I am sitting on my back patio in the cool of the evening (did I just say that? why yes I did! so thankful for cooler temps!). I am wearing my favorite comfy pants, my favorite hoodie, and I'm drinking a nice cup of hot tea, my favorite drink. :) I am all alone tonight. My children are enjoying a Rangers' game with their PaPa and my husband is out for the evening (after cooking a lovely dinner for the family...he's the BEST!). I cannot remember the last time I have had so many hours to myself. My papers are graded, I watched my little sister's wedding video for the first time and cried at all the great moments of her day (sorry you haven't seen it yet, Rebekah, but this is just one of the perks of being the wife of the owner of the video company you hired! :) soon you will see it, I promise!!), and now, here I sit, with a moment to myself. It's quite lovely, really.
I can't believe that I am 4 weeks into a new job, and that my family and friends have heard me, with such wonderful listening ears, talk about the ups and downs of being a new teacher for a month now! I keep promising myself I will figure out how to think about, dream about, talk about something other than this crazy adventure I have begun, but I must admit, it is quite consuming! It's funny the things that go just the way you expected, and the millions of other things that don't! But one thing is for sure, I am challenged in every way, and I am becoming better. Not just a better teacher, although I hope that is true too, but a better person. There is something about teaching and about being stretched beyond what I perceive I am capable of that sheds light on the inner parts of my heart and shows my true colors. Some colors are beautiful, some are shades of grey, and some are colors that are just not meant to be worn. I am learning that trying to do everything perfectly is completely futile, and I am realizing that there isn't an area of my life that will ever live up to a perfect expectation. I can never be the perfect mother, never the perfect wife, never the perfect teacher, never the perfect organizer (far from it!), never the perfect friend, never the perfect sister or daughter, never the perfect me. In this light, I feel vulnerable and a little scared, but I have also never felt so close to something really great, something so full of purpose. I am realizing that though perfect I will never be, fully loved, accepted, and redeemed am I right now. There is a God who loves me and who thinks amazing things about me, believes in me as if I'm flawless, and has made available to me all of His love, creativity, joy, peace, grace, and abundant life. The amazing thing is that if I would live in the full knowledge of that kind of love and acceptance, I wouldn't have to mourn my imperfection with every mistake. I would be confident, secure, and happy, and ultimately, I would be a better me.
2 Corinthians 9:8
The Message (MSG)
8-11God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you're ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it,
He throws caution to the winds,
giving to the needy in reckless abandon.
His right-living, right-giving ways
never run out, never wear out.
This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.
He throws caution to the winds,
giving to the needy in reckless abandon.
His right-living, right-giving ways
never run out, never wear out.
This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.
